I absolutely love my job. I get to teach, coach and mentor others. There is nothing better than knowing that you are making a difference. Being that person that someone else can rely on for anything, talk to about anything.
You know that saying, “You’ll never work a day in your life if you love what you do”? That’s how I feel about my job. There hasn’t been a day since I started this job, that I felt like I was actually “working.”
I always dreamt of being a hospice nurse or nursing home administrator. I never saw myself being a Human Resources Director or Staffing Coordinator. I started this job with not one second of HR experience. My superiors saw something in me that I didn’t and gave me all of the tools and support that I needed to succeed.
I always knew that I wanted to be in the medical field. I worked as an aide in nursing facilities for 10 years and while I loved what I was doing then, I knew when it was time to branch out and try something new.
Finding a career, something that you love doing, something that makes you excited to get up and go to work, is not easy. When you do find that job that makes you feel that way, it really doesn’t seem like much of a “job” at all. It feels like a purpose.
Relationships are hard work. However, sometimes no matter how hard you work at them or how much effort you put into a partnership, it just doesn’t work. People fall in and out of love every single day.
As I have stated in my bio, I am a divorced mom of 2. I was with my ex-husband for 6 years and married for 1 year before we separated.
At the beginning of our separation, it was a little rocky between the two of us but we have managed to create a pretty amazing coparenting relationship.
Communication is key.
While this might sound obvious, it’s not always so clear. It’s not always so black and white. Communication is more than just speaking to each other. It’s listening — really listening to and understanding each other.
My ex-husband and I have created a beautiful platform in which we communicate. We understand that we both work (and neither of our schedules are easy to work with). We understand that we need to be flexible with each other. And let’s face it. Life happens, schedules change, etc.
Keep communicating strictly about the kids.
The past is the past, leave it there. The intimate relationship is over, but parenting never ends. Children don’t need to know all the details on why the relationship has ended. They don’t need to hear the arguments about events from the past that are long over. What they do need to hear is how mommy/daddy love them and will see them in a few days (or however your schedule works). They need to see the healthy form of communication between two adults who fell out.
Work together.
“What time do you plan on dropping ____ off tomorrow?” “Don’t forget that ____ has a doctor’s appointment at ___.” Take turns with doctors appointments. One person does not need to take off work every time there is an appointment. There are two parents. Split the responsibilities equally.
Be mature.
As time goes on, you will both eventually move on and into other relationships. There is going to be another man/woman around your kids at some point. While it is important to wait until you are absolutely sure that that person is going to be around for awhile before introducing them to the children, it’s going to happen.
Don’t be immature and keep the kids from their other parent. Don’t talk negatively about your ex or their new partner around the children. In the end, you’re only hurting the tiny humans. Look at it in the way that there is another person who is going to love your kids. The more love, the better!
In the end, it’s necessary to build a healthy coparenting relationship. Just because the romance has died and intimacy is gone, does not mean that you stop being parents. Healthy coparenting is going to be the key to raising your children into the adults that you want them to be.
It’s not easy raising kids in general, let alone trying to raise them together yet apart. It’s hard. It requires a lot of work. It’s okay to break down. It’s okay to get frustrated. It’s okay to have bad days. And, as always, it’s okay not to be.
“Sometimes what didn’t work out, really works out.”
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, “How are you so perfect?” So full of flaws, yet so flawless; looking straight through them; directly into their soul and seeing the purity that they possess?
There isn’t a single human on this planet that doesn’t have shortcomings. However, I guarantee that there is that one person that comes to your mind when you hear the word “flawless.”
There comes a time in our lives when we stop enlarging and focusing on those imperfections, and we start seeing through them.
One of my favorite sayings is, “don’t ever water yourself down to make yourself more digestible for others.” Remember, you are not everyone’s cup of tea, but you are someone’s shot of whiskey.
In due time, someone is going to make you feel like nobody else has ever dreamt of making you feel before. They are going to look so far beyond your weaknesses-your imperfections, so deep into your soul, that even you, yourself will feel unflawed.
While loving yourself will always need to be at the forefront, you will always see your own foibles. That is, until someone makes them all disappear.
I know that a love like this seems unrealistic, maybe even impossible. Impossible to find, impossible to feel. I know how hard it can be to feel that you are worthy of being loved like this. However, I also know that it’s out there. It may be staring you in the eyes right now as you read this. Pay attention, because they are.
They are paying attention to every little detail of you. Details that you may feel don’t matter. Such as the way your forehead scrunches when you’re concentrating really hard, or the way you squint your eyes when you’re trying to understand something. It might be the way you talk about one thing but they pick up on an aspect of your life that you never disclosed. Or more so, the tone in which you respond to them and they immediately know that something is bothering you.
If someone thrives on resurfacing your every weakness, let them go. You know they are there, everybody knows they are there, but nobody needs to draw attention to them.
Everyone is flawless to someone. YOU are flawless to someone. Patience is a virtue. Be patient.
We all know an elderly couple that has been together for 60+ years and think, “wow, that’s a long time!” All anyone ever wants in life is to find that one person that they can give their all to. That one person that they can love and be loved by for the rest of their lives.
Growing up I always said that I wanted a relationship like my parents. My mom and dad have been together for over 30 years – since high school. While I’m sure it hasn’t always been gumdrops and lollipops, somehow they have stuck together (that’s some serious glue!).
Working in the healthcare industry I have seen my fair share of couples that have been together since they were 15/16, married for over 70 (and sometimes even 80) years, and always wondered what the secret was. A wise man once told me, “You have to vulnerable. You have to be willing to let every wall down and let that person in. You have to love just as much as you want loved and I don’t only mean you have to love that person just as much. I mean, you have to love yourself just as much too. How can you love someone else if you can’t even love YOU? Oh, and relationship is not going to work itself out, you have to put the work into it. If you’re not ready to work, you’re not ready to love.”
I know some of that may sound a little bit cliché but seriously…think about it! How can we really love another human being and make them feel worthy if we can’t do that for ourselves? This is something that I never understood until recently. I struggled for years with self worth and self love. I had walls built on top of walls. And vulnerability? HA! Forget it! But these wise words finally lit up my brain and I realized that I was NOT okay. Over the past year I was finally able to find my worth and my love. All it took was for me to take a step back from the life I was living and realize that I was not who I wanted to be – I was not where I wanted to be. I let go and focused on me, what made me happy and what it was that I was looking for.
Sometimes I know it’s hard to put ourselves first but overall, that is exactly what we have to do. You have to love you too. I have kids. I know it’s hard! However, kids need happy parents to be happy kids!
If you are unhappy right now, with any aspect of your life; take a step back. Breathe. Focus. It’s okay.
It’s Okay Not To Be 