Relationships are hard work. However, sometimes no matter how hard you work at them or how much effort you put into a partnership, it just doesn’t work. People fall in and out of love every single day.
As I have stated in my bio, I am a divorced mom of 2. I was with my ex-husband for 6 years and married for 1 year before we separated.
At the beginning of our separation, it was a little rocky between the two of us but we have managed to create a pretty amazing coparenting relationship.
Communication is key.
While this might sound obvious, it’s not always so clear. It’s not always so black and white. Communication is more than just speaking to each other. It’s listening — really listening to and understanding each other.
My ex-husband and I have created a beautiful platform in which we communicate. We understand that we both work (and neither of our schedules are easy to work with). We understand that we need to be flexible with each other. And let’s face it. Life happens, schedules change, etc.
Keep communicating strictly about the kids.
The past is the past, leave it there. The intimate relationship is over, but parenting never ends. Children don’t need to know all the details on why the relationship has ended. They don’t need to hear the arguments about events from the past that are long over. What they do need to hear is how mommy/daddy love them and will see them in a few days (or however your schedule works). They need to see the healthy form of communication between two adults who fell out.
Work together.
“What time do you plan on dropping ____ off tomorrow?” “Don’t forget that ____ has a doctor’s appointment at ___.” Take turns with doctors appointments. One person does not need to take off work every time there is an appointment. There are two parents. Split the responsibilities equally.
Be mature.
As time goes on, you will both eventually move on and into other relationships. There is going to be another man/woman around your kids at some point. While it is important to wait until you are absolutely sure that that person is going to be around for awhile before introducing them to the children, it’s going to happen.
Don’t be immature and keep the kids from their other parent. Don’t talk negatively about your ex or their new partner around the children. In the end, you’re only hurting the tiny humans. Look at it in the way that there is another person who is going to love your kids. The more love, the better!
In the end, it’s necessary to build a healthy coparenting relationship. Just because the romance has died and intimacy is gone, does not mean that you stop being parents. Healthy coparenting is going to be the key to raising your children into the adults that you want them to be.
It’s not easy raising kids in general, let alone trying to raise them together yet apart. It’s hard. It requires a lot of work. It’s okay to break down. It’s okay to get frustrated. It’s okay to have bad days. And, as always, it’s okay not to be.
“Sometimes what didn’t work out, really works out.”
It’s Okay Not To Be 